Manifestation, aka the law of attraction, sounds silly and like a stupid scientific theory, but it actually works. If you focus on something you want, create positive energy around it, and truly believe in it, it will come to you. I know this all sounds very unrealistic, and sort of like a hoax. But according to the experts, manifesting your love life can get you that hot dreamy partner your lusting over.
The concept sounds simple; create a hot 6’2 boy in your head, think about that person 24/7, and know that you want him. Ha, the difference is, manifestation can only occur when you take a step back and truly reflect. You can’t just wish for a sexy boy who has a relationship with their mother, a house in the Hamptons, and knows how to handle his emotions. You have to truly believe that’s what you’re worthy of. And the only way to know what you deserve is to do a lot (and I mean a lotttttt) of reflecting, bubble baths, writing, and getting drunk alone. Two glasses of wine and you’ll be less hard on yourself. Here are my steps on how to manifest your love life. Begin at step one!
1st Step: Know Yourself
As I mentioned prior, take time to really get to know yourself. We often think that running to the grocery store, lying in bed watching Gossip Girl, or making a microwaveable dinner is considered “alone time.” True alone time is not this. It’s a cliché, but when you love yourself and know your needs, wants, and desires, you can easily manifest. I recommend spending 15-30 minutes each day alone getting to know your deepest, and sometimes scariest, self. Write in a journal, meditate, stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself questions about how you feel. You can ask yourself some hard questions like; What do you struggle with? Physically and emotionally? How do you want to be treated? What behaviors in a partner will you not tolerate? You have to become comfortable with being alone in your mind and body, before truly manifesting a healthy and positive relationship.
2nd Step: Be The Person You Want
I’ve had so many people tell me they want a wholesome, kind, loving, responsible partner; yet, they go out every night, don’t know their bodies, never have alone time, and have a hard time accepting themselves. How do you expect to receive a partner that is loving and positive when you aren’t any of that ?! Seriously, if you are looking for a night-in cooking, ambitious, hardworking partner but you are staying out till 2 am and not progressing yourself, why would someone who is ambitious come to you? I know, it’s harsh. But someone’s got to say it.
Become the person you want to attract. Of course your partner will have differences, but when it comes to values, needs, and wants, try to be on the same playing field.
3rd Step: Be Around the People You Want to Attract
Another thing I always hear, “Why can’t I find a boyfriend who has his sh*t together and makes time for me?” Well, sis, you’re trying to find a sustainable partner at the club or the super annoyingly trendy bar on a Friday night… it’s probs not the best setting for your search. If you want a partner who is fun, flirty, adventurous, and always around people go ahead! Flirt away! But, if you want to low-key settle down and nourish a relationship, the people at these kinds of places are most likely in their 20’s and just want to have a good time.
Of course, then comes the question “Well then where do I meet someone?!” I recommend normalizing coffee shops, parks, a local restaurant, similar interest events, or mutual friends. If you see a cutie at the coffee shop, make a move. There are only so many men who read an actual book at a coffee shop on a Saturday morning left in this world, for crying out loud.
4th Step: Be Around the Friends you Want Your Partner to be Like
After you have exhausted your journal, and you are now feeling a little self-conscious, take it even further by re-evaluating your friends! Ask yourself what qualities they have and how that reflects on who you are. The people we surround ourselves with are a direct reflection of what we value. If we are surrounded by people who are creative, open, loving, and kind, the likelihood of you absorbing those qualities are higher. Just like when we are around negative people we feel it, we feel positive people too. Obviously don’t ditch your friend who might be going through something and is not so optimistic – but do think about what energies you are constantly around.
It’s all about the energies. If you don’t believe in energy but you are the person to always ask “What’s your sign?!” I think you should give the idea of energy a try.
5th Step: Know Your Boundaries
I briefly mentioned this in the 1st step, but it deserves its own step completely. Becoming aware of what you do not want is just as important as becoming aware of what you do. This takes a lot of hard reflection as well, and I recommend dedicating a section in your journal for this. If you are consistently giving your time and energy to an unavailable, untrustworthy, or unforgiving, partner you are tolerating a negative energy. You are not showing up for yourself and setting a boundary for how you want to be treated. This is where many people lose their manifestation.
Setting a boundary, aka knowing exactly what you tolerate, is crucial. It makes it easier for us to walk away from a negative partner when we are confident in our boundaries. The clearer you are on what pisses you off, what you can sort of manage, and what simply crosses a line, the faster you can manifest. When we know what we do not want, we do not waste energy on anything that does meet those needs.
Last but not least, be easy on yourself and have patience. I know this was somewhat pessimistic, and we do need bad relationships so we can appreciate the good. But when it comes to manifesting, I have seen too many people I care about, myself included, stay in a negative energy. And it only results in reoccurring negative relationships.
Manifesting is simply tuning in, truly reflecting, and becoming more aware of who you are and what you deserve. For someone who has been treated poorly in the past, I know how hard this simple message can be. Allow yourself to feel the hurt and pain from the past, but try to open up again and trust yourself in the process.