ARE YOU SCARED OF INTIMACY?

Without emotional intimacy a relationship is bound to fail. To me, intimacy is when you are vulnerable with your emotions and share your mind honestly & openly. I think everyone is a little scared to be intimate with someone because you can feel out of control. Getting close to someone can mean rejection, pain, and tons of other strong emotions.

Being intimate with someone takes time.

I think people are becoming less intimate with each other and that upsets me. It’s so easy to hide emotions and the pressure of society doesn’t help. Intimacy isn’t about asking how someone is, sleeping in the same bed, or texting all day. None of this really means you know & feel for someone. It’s about being honest with your struggles and how your mind works. It’s about sharing your mind and emotions with someone without fear.

Sometimes when someone is trying to get close to you, it’s easier to push them away than deal with the strong emotions you feel.

I have issues with intimacy as well. It may be from my past of being hurt and let down by people I trust and love. For a long time I didn’t realize I had a fear of intimacy and I didn’t know how to change it.

These are some common signs for someone who is scared of intimacy:

1. Sabotaging your relationships. Whether that is by being unfaithful or creating a problem when you are happy, it’s still pushing away intimacy. By sabotaging that strong connection you have then escaped the chance of getting hurt. By being unfaithful to your partner you create an emotional distance which can make the feelings seem less close to your heart.
2. Fear of rejection. This is deeper than just a fear of someone saying no to you. This fear comes from a deep place inside where you feel “unworthy” of someones love so you choose to be alone. By avoiding the relationship all together, there is no chance of rejection, because you never even tried.
3. Wrong partners. Do you always pick the same partner who you see no future with? Picking partners who you see no future with or who don’t expect anything from you lets you avoid intimacy. This is the worst way to avoid it because you can feel empty and abandoned.
4. Pushing people away. It’s normal to make them work for it in the beginning but completely ghosting someone is an indicator that you are scared to get emotionally close. If you have been ghosted, just know it’s their own insecurities and it probably has nothing to do with you! Unless you did something insane, then I’m not sure.
5. Scared of physical intimacy. When you are emotionally scared it can make sex difficult. You can either have lots of partners to try to avoid the possibility of actually getting to know someone, or scared to truly make love. There is a big difference. You might try to avoid feeling vulnerable or exposed during sex. This can cause you to not let your partner into your mind, thus destroying intimacy.

What to do if you experience any of these behaviors:

1. Be honest with yourself and admit it. We all say we want love and to be real with each other, but not a lot of us actually do it. Look at your past patterns and be really honest with what has happened to you and why you might act this way.
2. Feel your feelings. Falling in love can remind us of our past pain, but don’t kill it. When you avoid the pain you minimize the joy felt. Allow yourself to feel deeply for others and be open to the strong emotions.
3. Accept vulnerability. The dating world promotes a culture of game-playing. “Don’t let her see how much you like her, who cares least, etc.” Don’t fall into it. Being vulnerable shows strength. It shows that you overcame the fears in your mind and stayed yourself. It’s okay to be vulnerable and open. In fact, it’s cooler when you can express how much you like someone.
4. Love yourself. This is cliché but honestly the most important. When you learn to love yourself at a deeper level you can become intimate with yourself, then with others. Most people fear intimacy because they are scared to be abandoned. But when you love yourself you will never truly be abandoned. You will have yourself.

There are many other ways to overcome this but these are what have helped me. It’s also very normal to experience some of these signs. Most people have intimacy issues. I just hope we can all be aware if we do, and try to work on it. I hope people can become more open with each other because it will lead them to a happier relationship with themselves, and others.