To start, this is no black and white topic. This is just my opinion and experience. Although I slightly cringe when thinking about my first time, I believe it’s important to be honest with myself in order for people to feel comfortable. Somebody’s gotta do it. I’m not about to blab about losing my virginity because that would honestly be quite boring for you, but I will speak from my own experience.

Losing your virginity probably doesn’t seem like a big deal anymore because most of us are adults now and think we know all about sex. I don’t even know all about it, and I research it all the time, so I know people are putting up a front. There is a huge pressure on our society to be sexy and have sex. This is all nonsense and should not affect your decision on when to lose your virginity.

Not everyone our age is having sex & that’s okay. There are still plenty of virgins out there doing their thing.

I’ve been asked if it hurts, when to do it, how to do it, etc. These questions are all relative. It really depends on who you lose it to, and that doesn’t have to be someone you are in love with. I’ve seen both sides of this. Women who want to be in love when they lose it or women who are 21 and just want to get it over with. No judgment to either side because there are pros and cons to both.

It’s not an unbearable pain but you may be sore afterwards and it is uncomfortable. It’s an unfamiliar pressure so it’s important to be aroused during it. Being comfortable with your partner, lube, and using foreplay can help. It’s normal to be nervous so you may not produce enough natural fluids. If you are having a difficult time becoming aroused, you can use a natural lube. Sex takes a lot of patience and communication. Some people experience pleasure during their first time and some don’t. It’s completely normal to be on either side of the spectrum. There also may be blood the first time but not for everybody. Some people naturally have more hymenal tissue than others which causes more pain and bleeding when their hymen gets stretched.

For me, I believe that losing it to someone you are familiar with can help it not be as painful. I believe this because when you are comfortable with someone your vagina actually relaxes and you can produce more secretion. With that being said, it’s completely okay to lose it to someone who are not in a relationship or in love with. I think there is pressure to be “in love” or a relationship in order to have sex. As long as you both respect each other and are safe, you can feel comfortable.

I recommended exploring your vagina prior to engaging in sex because it can help you feel comfortable with someone else exploring it. It’s important to understand your anatomy and what you like. Always use protection when having sex, and do not feel uncomfortable asking for a condom. If the man says no, you probably shouldn’t be losing your virginity to him. If you are on birth control it’s still important to use a condom because birth control only prevents pregnancies.

Second, there is no right or wrong time to lose it. There is really no right or wrong to any of this. Who and when you lose it is completely your choice. Just make sure you are safe about it and your partner respects you. Some prefer to wait and others like to rip it off like a Band-Aid. It does not reflect who you are as a person, and anyone should respect your decision. Whenever you feel ready, go for it.

When it comes to how to have sex this is completely between you are your partner and there is no wrong or right way. This is why being familiar with your partner could help because you can sort of understand how their body works with yours. Some bodies just don’t work together and it’s awkward. That’s normal. There are also bodies that work really well together and it can be beautiful. Everyone is different in what they prefer so “how to” might change according to who your partner is. Just be open and honest with your partner about what you aren’t liking, and what you do like. Be open to changing directions and listening to your partners needs as well. If you feel uncomfortable speaking about it during sex, you can express yourself afterwards.

Finally, I know it can be hard to “find the one” but you will know when it’s right and when it’s wrong. Trust yourself. Don’t expect it to be amazing the first time. There is a lot of hype around sex and it’s normal to not feel super sexy the first couple times. Just continue to be honest with your partner and open with yourself. Once you become comfortable with it and respect your body, the experience can be truly beautiful.

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